Eric's Story Series: "Small Talk"
We all at once don’t know how to start a conversation, let along keep one going. We all at some level fear rejection. But we can’t hope other people will approach us first. So we have to make the first move and be the first one to say “Hello!” You know I am an introvert in extrovert’s clothing. I look like a small statue with a big mouth in front of you. But in real life I’m not that confident. I find it’s hard to break ice with strangers. I rode GO train with the same people day after day after day, but I never tried talking to them. I had been a chicken for so long till one day I thought if somebody has to do it, if somebody has to break the ice, why not me? You see I have no control over other people. The only person I have control over is me. Remember the "100/0 principle": in a situation like this, I should take full responsibility for the relationship I am about to build and expect nothing in return. So I manage to gather the courage and be the first one to say “Hello”. You know what happened? I found that people all feared rejection. They all had been holding back so long. They really appreciated me taking the risk, as a result, they responded very warmly.
Do you feel comfortable or do you feel terrible at networking events? At once I felt terrible at networking events, I felt awkward in town halls or staff meetings. I wish my jacket matches the pattern of the wallpaper so I can become invisible. And I am always stuck with the same people I already know. You know talking to the same people over and over again is not fun. They may be sick and tired of me, too. Some nice Canadians told me: "Eric, don’t be so tense, get your two drinks and relax a bit. Take it easy. Have some fun!" The next day is our second quarter town hall meeting. I did some homework. I wrote down the script for different situations. Let’s just try it:
o How to break the silence. “I don’t think we ever met. I’m Eric. You are …” “I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Queen Elizabeth II.” (Turn around) “I’m Prince Charles, your son, mother.”
o How to start a conversation. e.g. Bollywood. “Did you enjoy that movie, 3 Idiots?” … “You do? What was it about?” …
o How to keep a conversation going. Now that we have started a conversation, how can we keep it going? “That’s interesting ... Really? Wow! ... What happened next? ... What? ... Huh? ... No kidding! ... Oh no! ... Ha, ha, ha!” The trick is: LISTEN, give your conversation partner 100% of your attention, face her directly and look her in the eyes.
o How to save a dying conversation. “What other movies have you watched recently?”
o How to transition into a new topic. “That reminds me … Before I forget …”
o How to exit a conversation. Have a few exit lines ready. “I need to talk to my client over there.” “I need to visit the salad bar.” “Can I refresh your drink?” “Is the bathroom over there? Thanks.” Be kind, be brief, and be gone! Don’t over-stay your welcome “I enjoyed our chat. I enjoyed your company. I’ll see you next time.”
o Remember people’s faces. Someone comes to shake your hand again and say “Hi” even though you saw each other only an hour ago.
